Avoiding Dating Scams

Within the past few years several of my peers and friends have become victims of dating scams. Unfortunately, many women who are entering the second phase of their life are targeted as they are seen as vulnerable. 

If you’re not aware how these can look and affect your life you only have to get on Netflix and watch one of several documentaries about the romance con; ie, “Tinder Swindler”, “Bad Vegan” and “The Puppet Master”.  These documentaries all have a common theme of men that pretend to be extremely wealthy, live dangerous lives in order to excuse their secretive lives.  Often they will publicly display wealth, good looks and enviable lives, while in truth they are simply using women to fund their desired lifestyle. They will play on empathy and fear with the dangerous lifestyles they lead and often gaslight their victims into feeling like they are crazy. The stories may differ but the con is almost always the same.

Re-entering the dating world can be scary, thrilling and fun. We are coming out of a bubble and entering a time when we’re exploring and finding ourselves. Within the process of starting anew we begin looking for new love in our life; a person to experience the new highs and help us explore the world in a new and exciting way. My first suggestion as a coach is to find the love within before beginning to look for someone to share your life with.  But if this isn’t for you I’d like to give some insight on how to spot the red flags, and for goodness sake, do some research before you jump in head first!

Good things to know as you begin your online dating journey:

Scammers are Everywhere

Yep, there are people looking to scam you, no matter what method you are using to find someone to share your life with. This isn’t put out there to provoke paranoia, but rather to warn anyone looking for love to use diligence and listen to those feelings inside. If something within you feels that something is off, listen. Listen to the gut feeling. It’ll keep you from shelling out your life savings to someone in a cafe halfway across the globe or even someone who’s right down the street from you.

How to Spot a Scammer on Social Media or a Dating Website

They’re Wearing a Uniform

When someone is looking to scam they use certain characteristics that are commonly sought out and attractive. 

Many scammers will pose as someone in the military or some sort of public service - with a profile picture often sporting an attractive person in a uniform. If they are posing as someone who has been in service they will be highly decorated.  

They Have an Animal with Them

Look for profile pictures that contain animals. Many people are animal lovers and con artists are looking for those who give their hearts freely. Maybe because a common trait would be vulnerability in an animal lover. Animals are companions, fur children and definitely an extension of us. 

They Talk up Their Religious Beliefs

Look for profiles on Christian dating sites or regular dating sites that are overly zealous regarding their beliefs. As with all of these, they will mostly say the right things. Church, family and community will be their number one loves. These are probably the hardest to weed out. Research tips are addressed later in this blog.

They’re a LOT Younger than You

This one should seem pretty easy. When someone contacts you and they look like a Vogue model in their 20’s it’s probably not going to turn out well. A good example of this in the mainstream television world would be 90 Day Fiancé. Even if the person is real, the relationship rarely works out as most of the people are looking for some sort of monetary gain. 

Living the Retired High Life 

Just yesterday I received a follow on IG from a possible scammer. He was an older gentleman who had under 15 pictures posted. All of which were almost model-like. He was photographed on several boats, beaches and some were studio quality. He had followed over 2000 people and had many in return. The pictures were all similar and he hadn’t received many comments or likes. What I did notice was the profile info. The grammar was clearly off and abrupt. 

How to Research if a Person is the Real Thing

There are the core attributes of scamming to keep in mind and a few ways to research a profile: 

  • If the person seems too perfect, they just might be!

  • Look for spelling and grammatical errors. 

  • If it’s a social media account, look at their posting history and how many friends or follows they may have. Also, how new the account is. If they have 2 pictures, 200 people they follow, but next to no one following them and their account was opened a week or month ago; this is a red flag and probably not someone to engage with. 

Suggestions

Google search or browser search profile pics and profile contents. Chances are, if someone is a scammer they will use the same pictures and profile descriptions over and over. You may search a profile pic and it comes up with different profile descriptions. Dig deeper by searching each differentiation of profile pics and descriptions. You should be able to run these searches on most social media sites and websites. 

If you’re super interested and you’ve been messaging this person, go for the next step of having a chat over the phone. Listen for an accent and if it matches where they say they’re from. I would highly suggest trying a video chat. Either way, if they are unable to speak over the phone it may be a red flag, especially if they can’t video chat. Excuses about their screen being broken or them being unable to use video means they probably don’t want to be seen and probably are not the person they’re picture is representing.

Try to meet them in person. If they are unable to meet you the reason needs to be valid. The excuses that may not be valid would include; flight delays or cancellations, several times of having to work late, several times of having to babysit grandchildren, several times of work running late. You get the picture on this one. If they can’t meet you in person, they probably are wanting something else. The opposite can be true as well. They may want to meet you right away and immediately begin courting you. If it goes fast and furious it’s a sign that they may be wanting to hide the complete truth about who they are. 

Money, money, money. This is the biggest issue to be aware of. If they EVER ask you for money it’s a huge red flag! Whether their flight is canceled and they now need funding, or they just need you to spot the money because their bank account was frozen. Whatever it is, and there will be a myriad of excuses and how they will pay you back tenfold  - DO NOT give it to them! Even if they tell you their life is in danger - don’t do it. Scammers play on empathy and vulnerability, please keep this in mind.


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