Self Improvement

How do I improve myself?

This is a very ambiguous question that I saw this morning on a question and answer board. Answers were varied. Some were one-liners, “It starts with you!”, “Only you can improve yourself.”, “Get help!” Others provided lists that we see everywhere on social media including meditation, reflection, get up and make your bed every day, make a schedule, yada, yada, yada…Please don’t misunderstand me. There are scientifically proven things that all of us can do to help improve ourselves, but without a directed inquiry it’s not really possible to provide a remedy.

Think about it. There are at least thousands if not tens of thousands of articles and books published on self-help, self-improvement, weight loss, getting fit, healthy eating, getting rich, getting over the loss of a loved one or a relationship and on and on. This is not a question that can be answered with a list or a few words.

How do I improve myself is a person specific question. There’s no quick recipe for self-improvement. It’s not a malady but a personal desire to change. The person may also have a mental illness that’s not properly managed, an addiction or even feel suicidal. Definitely not a question to be taken lightly with a quick quip.

For a coach and former counselor in addictions and severe mental health, I personally want to ask a lot of questions of this individual. I want to know what the person wants to improve upon and possibly change. If there’s any possibility that the particular issue has to do with suicidality, mental health management or severe addiction management I would refer the person to a specialist in the field or emergency (911). 

A coach with skills will always ask what the person is looking to improve upon. It may be something like getting a raise or promotion, wellness and/or fitness goals including weight management, stress relief, more intimacy, staying on task or being accountable, communication issues with someone close to them, or how to improve upon paying off a debt. It may also be something broader like being more spiritual, communication effectiveness, are you creating a legacy, social aptitude, relationship strengthening both personal and work related, financial freedom, or career change and possibly being your own boss. The list is literally endless so it’s easy to see that there isn’t a cookie cutter formula.

Without writing another self-help book here, I would direct anyone who would like to improve themselves to ask and answer “What am I looking to improve or change?” Write in a journal and get down your thoughts. What you're looking for may be stemming from something deeper, but knowing exactly where you’d like to be is the first step. Then feel free to take your question to a coach who can help you get through the process. 

If you have any questions on mental illness, please reach out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 1-800-950-NAMI (6264) M-F from 10-6 ET or info@nami.org Or SAMHSA for mental health or substance abuse 1-800-662-HELP (4357) 24/7 365 days a year. You may also reach out to your local mental health networks.

If you are feeling suicidal please call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline, 1-800-273-8255.